I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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