I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
