My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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