Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
