Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
