Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize