so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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