I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize