His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
