So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
