I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
