K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
