Just cropdusted the office
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize