Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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