forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
