ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
