I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
