How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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