Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
