an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
