im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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