This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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