First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Houston, we have a blender
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
