At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize