I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
