Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
