Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
