is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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