either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
