I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She's the barista slut.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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