and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Randomize
