Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
