I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
