Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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