I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
