There r osticjed everywhere
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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