She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
