I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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