fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I stole a fireplace last night.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
