We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
