if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
