News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
This is my gift to your gina
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Randomize
