I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize