absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
