Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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