my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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