Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
