I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
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