my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
