you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
