My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
