nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize