I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
