You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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