She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
