I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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