We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
