Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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