Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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