dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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