i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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