I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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