I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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