He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
