how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
