So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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