I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
