if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Randomize
