I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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